New Years eve I woke up in a hung over fog. December was a month of non stop partying. Fuck work. Fuck the gym. Fuck everything. Just drowning in booze and chasing skirts. I was spiraling out of control and today would be the last stop on the crazy train.

My head was pounding and I was dehydrated. I parked my motorbike, grabbed my egg sandwhich and walked into my favorite cafe. Immediately I see two of my girlfriends… Sitting and drinking coffee… TOGETHER.

I freeze and look at them. They look and me. Shit. Now what? I can’t run. It’s too late. They already saw me. Time to handle this shit like a boss. I calmly walked over to their table and sat down with them.

“Two of my girlfriends… Well this is interesting…” I mumbled as I pulled up a chair.

One girl, let’s call her “Crazy Bitch,” looked away with an angry expression on her face. She wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. The other one, we’ll call her “Good Girl” looked at me and calmly said, “why you lie to me? You lie about many things. You have many girls and we all know.”

I just sat there quietly like a kid in the principals office. “Yes it’s true… I’m sorry… I never wanted to hurt you,” I said.

“You love her?” Good Girl asked as she pointed at Crazy Bitch.

“No. We only met a few times. I don’t love her.”

Crazy Bitch glared at me like she wanted to stab me in the eyeballs. But what I was saying is true. Crazy Bitch was just a piece of pussy I stabbed up a few times. Nothing special about her.

I was dating Good Girl for five months and she really is a sweetheart. I felt bad about hurting her. Crazy Bitch can fuck off for all I care. She was always giving me problems.

We sat there quietly for a few moments and I had enough. I just got up and walked out without saying another word. My brain was still cloudy from the hangover and I was in no mood for this bullshit.

I climbed onto my bike and drove… For a long time… Then I drove some more… I found myself way outside the city in the countryside. Nothing clears your mind like a long ride on the bike. If you ride, then you understand about that “two wheel therapy.

I was speeding down a long stretch of country road. It was a sunny day and I was starting to feel a bit better. I had the throttle pinned and I was doing about 100kph. Suddenly a cow appeared in the road. It quickly stepped out from behind some bushes. SHIT!

My life flashed before my eyes. I didn’t want to lock up the brakes on this sandy stretch of road. And I didn’t want to go off the road into a field. I pumped the brakes hard and swerved, just barely missing the ass end of the cow. The dumb ass cow casually strolled across the road totally oblivious of me. A few inches to my right, I would have been laying in a ditch, a few inches to my left, I would have hit the cow. What luck!

For a split second I thought I was in the clear. Then it happened… A baby cow stepped into the street following the big one. I didn’t even have a chance to think about this obstacle. BANG! I hit it head on.

The baby cow was launched into the street and spun around on its side several times. To my amazement, my bike stayed up. Incredible! I wobbled a bit, put my feet down and slowed to a stop.

My heart beating out of my chest. The front plastic on my bike was cracked and hanging off. There was some sort of brown substance on my shoe, pant leg and motorbike. It looked like shit. Yes I literally scared the shit out of this cow.

I looked back and saw the baby cow slowly stand up and walk away. Several local people had stopped and were watching the commotion.

Oh fuck just what I need… Some locals saying some rich white guy is riding around the country side killing their cows. I sped off before they could lynch me.

I finally reached a quiet spot to pull over and survey the damage. Just cosmetic damage on the bike. It’s rideable. A little cow shit on me. A few sore spots on my foot and leg where I hit this fucker. Life goes on…

I took the long ride back to my place… I was in deep thought… Contemplating life’s meaning and what not… Was this some kind of message from god? Is he telling me to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN in life? Deep shit man…

I was a little shook up but I was very thankful I didn’t go for a slide on the pavement. Or worse. Hit that big cow head on and snap my neck. Then I would change my name to “Wheel Chair Skins.”

I got home and spent the afternoon laying in bed like a hung over piece of garbage. Night time rolled around and it was New Years Eve. So of course that means it’s time to party and get hammered. One last hoorah for 2016!

I decided to pick up my young spinner and take her out to party. The chick from this post. She’s cute, sweet and speaks good english. She’s always a nice date. She never bothers me or acts jealous. She’s happy with just being “friends with benefits.” And she gave me that sweet little pussy on many occasions where I didn’t take her to dinner or anything. So New Years I decided to take her out for some fun.

We had sushi for dinner then club hopping around the city. It was a blast. Really good time. Unfortunately she had to be home before 1:00 AM. So I brought her back to her place and she didn’t stay the night with me. Oh well I didn’t even care about fucking her that night. I dropped her off and went right back to the bars. The night was still young! 😀

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