New Years eve I woke up in a hung over fog. December was a month of non stop partying. Fuck work. Fuck the gym. Fuck everything. Just drowning in booze and chasing skirts. I was spiraling out of control and today would be the last stop on the crazy train.
My head was pounding and I was dehydrated. I parked my motorbike, grabbed my egg sandwhich and walked into my favorite cafe. Immediately I see two of my girlfriends… Sitting and drinking coffee… TOGETHER.
I freeze and look at them. They look and me. Shit. Now what? I can’t run. It’s too late. They already saw me. Time to handle this shit like a boss. I calmly walked over to their table and sat down with them.
“Two of my girlfriends… Well this is interesting…” I mumbled as I pulled up a chair.
One girl, let’s call her “Crazy Bitch,” looked away with an angry expression on her face. She wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. The other one, we’ll call her “Good Girl” looked at me and calmly said, “why you lie to me? You lie about many things. You have many girls and we all know.”
I just sat there quietly like a kid in the principals office. “Yes it’s true… I’m sorry… I never wanted to hurt you,” I said.
“You love her?” Good Girl asked as she pointed at Crazy Bitch.
“No. We only met a few times. I don’t love her.”
Crazy Bitch glared at me like she wanted to stab me in the eyeballs. But what I was saying is true. Crazy Bitch was just a piece of pussy I stabbed up a few times. Nothing special about her.
We sat there quietly for a few moments and I had enough. I just got up and walked out without saying another word. My brain was still cloudy from the hangover and I was in no mood for this bullshit.
I climbed onto my bike and drove… For a long time… Then I drove some more… I found myself way outside the city in the countryside. Nothing clears your mind like a long ride on the bike. If you ride, then you understand about that “two wheel therapy.”
I was speeding down a long stretch of country road. It was a sunny day and I was starting to feel a bit better. I had the throttle pinned and I was doing about 100kph. Suddenly a cow appeared in the road. It quickly stepped out from behind some bushes. SHIT!
My life flashed before my eyes. I didn’t want to lock up the brakes on this sandy stretch of road. And I didn’t want to go off the road into a field. I pumped the brakes hard and swerved, just barely missing the ass end of the cow. The dumb ass cow casually strolled across the road totally oblivious of me. A few inches to my right, I would have been laying in a ditch, a few inches to my left, I would have hit the cow. What luck!
For a split second I thought I was in the clear. Then it happened… A baby cow stepped into the street following the big one. I didn’t even have a chance to think about this obstacle. BANG! I hit it head on.
The baby cow was launched into the street and spun around on its side several times. To my amazement, my bike stayed up. Incredible! I wobbled a bit, put my feet down and slowed to a stop.
My heart beating out of my chest. The front plastic on my bike was cracked and hanging off. There was some sort of brown substance on my shoe, pant leg and motorbike. It looked like shit. Yes I literally scared the shit out of this cow.
I looked back and saw the baby cow slowly stand up and walk away. Several local people had stopped and were watching the commotion.
Oh fuck just what I need… Some locals saying some rich white guy is riding around the country side killing their cows. I sped off before they could lynch me.
I finally reached a quiet spot to pull over and survey the damage. Just cosmetic damage on the bike. It’s rideable. A little cow shit on me. A few sore spots on my foot and leg where I hit this fucker. Life goes on…
I took the long ride back to my place… I was in deep thought… Contemplating life’s meaning and what not… Was this some kind of message from god? Is he telling me to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN in life? Deep shit man…
I was a little shook up but I was very thankful I didn’t go for a slide on the pavement. Or worse. Hit that big cow head on and snap my neck. Then I would change my name to “Wheel Chair Skins.”
I got home and spent the afternoon laying in bed like a hung over piece of garbage. Night time rolled around and it was New Years Eve. So of course that means it’s time to party and get hammered. One last hoorah for 2016!
I decided to pick up my young spinner and take her out to party. The chick from this post. She’s cute, sweet and speaks good english. She’s always a nice date. She never bothers me or acts jealous. She’s happy with just being “friends with benefits.” And she gave me that sweet little pussy on many occasions where I didn’t take her to dinner or anything. So New Years I decided to take her out for some fun.
We had sushi for dinner then club hopping around the city. It was a blast. Really good time. Unfortunately she had to be home before 1:00 AM. So I brought her back to her place and she didn’t stay the night with me. Oh well I didn’t even care about fucking her that night. I dropped her off and went right back to the bars. The night was still young! 😀
Let The Games Begin…
I walked into one of my favorite late night bars and I was stunned by what I saw… It’s the same two girlfriends I ran into at the coffee shop in the morning. WHAT THE FUCK is going on here???! Are these bitches following me? They never go to these places without me. This immediately blew my high. I really didn’t want to see either of their gook faces.
They saw me as soon as I walked in. I wondered if they were trying to set me up or some shit. But I wasn’t going to run away. I calmly walked over to the bar and ordered a beer. I kept my distance but held my ground. These bitches were on my turf god damn it!
Eventually they both walked right past me and into the bathroom. I mean right past me brushing their shoulders against me. If they were trying to get a rise out of me and it was working.
“What are you doing here?” I said as they walked by.
These bitches never go to the bars and both of them always have to be home early so this was just odd to me. I felt like I was being stalked all day and it was pissing me off.
They didn’t answer so I followed them into the ladies room. Yes, you read that right. I walked into the ladies room. I said to the one I actually like, Good Girl, “what the fuck are you doing here? You following me now?”
Crazy Bitch pushed me and grabbed Good Girl by the arm, dragging her into a bathroom stall. Crazy Bitch slammed the stall door and locked it. They began arguing in Vietnamese super loud.
I shouted through the door. “You want to see me? Here I am! Come out and talk to me! Let’s get this over with!” They kept arguing in the stall and I have no idea what they were saying.
I went into the stall next door, stood on the toilet and looked over the stall wall at them. They were in each others faces shouting really loud. It looked like it was about to be a fight but you never know with these people. They’re super noisy and aggressive all the time.
I shouted down at them “what the fuck are you crazy bitches doing?! Come outside and let’s talk.”
Crazy Bitch jumped up and clawed at me but missed. She was foaming like she wanted to rip my face off. I was standing on the toilet looking down on them from the other stall. She kept screaming at me. At this point my patience had run out.
I had a full bottle of Tiger beer in my hand that I brought from the bar. I shouted “fuck you bitches!” and poured my beer all over their heads. 😀 Looking back, this was one of the funniest moments of my life.
This really set them off. They flew into a rage. Now they were both screaming and clawing at me. Crazy bitch jumped up and slapped the beer bottle out of my hand. It crashed to the floor with foaming beer and glass smashing everywhere.
It was getting pretty loud in there as you can imagine. I walked out of the stall and so did they. We met in the center of the ladies room. Crazy Bitch lunged at me. She was trying to claw my eyes out. Good Girl was holding her back, despite having her hair soaking wet with my beer. What an angel. Other girls went running out of the bathroom when they saw the scene.
Crazy Bitch was screaming at me while Good Girl was screaming at her and holding her pinned against the wall. I couldn’t help but laugh at Crazy Bitch. Her eyeballs were bulging out of her head and her hair was soaked in beer. She was furious!
Suddenly a security guard walked in. He was a stalky, block headed gook. I bet he could hold his own in a scrap. He got in my face and said “what the fuck man!” I pointed at Crazy Bitch and said “that bitch is crazy man! Be careful!”
Crazy Bitch certainly looked crazy with her hysterical shouting and lunging so he aimed his attention at her. I casually walked out of the bathroom and he didn’t stop me.
At this time I realized I fucked up and I should probably get the fuck out of there before a pack of security guards pounce on me. I calmly walked out of the bar and jumped on my motorbike. I had a quick look back to make sure I wasn’t being tailed. Still nobody behind me. Good. Twist the throttle and I’m gone…
The Not So Smooth Getaway
Now it was well past 2:00AM. I was speeding home through the hood on a one way street. Well, it was a two way street but there was a median. As I’m speeding along suddenly two motorbikes appear in front of me out of the darkness. Two scrawny, assholes. Ball cap, skinny jeans, rubber flip wearing, rotten tooth rice monkeys on their clapped out Honda Dreams. God I hate these assholes.
They were riding in the middle of the road, going the wrong way with their lights off. They were speeding straight towards me… I quickly pumped brakes so I could slow down and avoid hitting them.
Of course they’re just laughing it up and talking without a care in the world… Fuckin retards.
“Stupid fucking gooks! Turn on your lights you faggots!” I shouted.
“Fuck you!” one of them shouts.
I immediately lock up my brakes and skid to a stop. “WHAT?!” I shouted as I jumped off my bike.
They both stopped as well. Apparently they weren’t afraid. I walked up to the closest one and grabbed him by the throat with my left hand. I cocked my right arm back, preparing to punch him in the mouth with every ounce of strength I had.
The kid looked pathetic. Maybe 20 years old. Frail as a 15 year old girl. Low IQ for sure. He didn’t even flinch or put his hands up. He just sat there stunned, waiting to get knocked the fuck out. I released my grip on his throat and walked back to my bike.
“Ride on that side you fucking idiots!” I shouted as I pointed to the correct side of the road for them.
There was a moment of silence as I got back on my bike. Then, again, the kid up front shouted “fuck you!”
I quickly jumped off my bike and charged him. As I approached him I swiftly deployed my pocket knife. He saw it and heard it flick open. I saw the look of fear wash over his face.
I grabbed him by the throat and put my knife close to his face.
“What did you say? Say it again! Say ‘fuck you’ again!” I shouted while squeezing his throat. “I should fucking kill you right now! Say it again!”
He sat there in silence. Not fighting back. Not trying to get away. He just sat there awaiting whatever punishment I decided to dish out. Pathetic.
I pushed him hard by the throat. Him and his motorbike fell over onto the street. He slowly stood up and stepped backwards. His buddy remained sitting on his bike watching.
At this point other bikes had started to slow down and watch… It was time to go.
“Ride over there you fuckin idiots!” I climbed back onto my bike and drove off. They didn’t follow…
Happy New Year
Well that was a fun day. A lot of stupid shit went down. All of which was my fault. We are holding the steering wheels of our own lives. For one, I stick my dick in any crazy bitch that will let me. So I bring a lot of these women problems on myself.
The Crazy Bitch in this story… I fucked her a hand full of times and she was super clingy so I cut her off. Then somehow, she contacted all my other girlfriends and told them everything. They all talked about when we met, what nights we went on dates etc. Basically they all know I was juggling a bunch of broads at once.
Now several of my ex girlfriends hang out together and talk about me. They even contacted a new girl I started dating months after all this shit went down! They managed to sabotage that relationship too. Terrible shit.
I’m also going to chill out on the alcohol this year. I love booze but I realize that it is consuming my life and leading to some bad decisions.
A night out for drinks always leads to me getting wasted, spending a bunch of money, going to sleep late, sleeping away half the next day and just being a lazy unproductive loser. So it’s time to cut back big time. There’s nothing wrong with partying but I can’t be doing that shit every night.
Also, when I get drunk it’s hard for me to control my anger. I really wanted to kill these two little fuckers that night. Riding on the wrong side of the road with their lights off. In my mind, they’re basically trying to kill me, whether they’re doing it intentionally or not. What if I smacked into them and crashed? They are fucking morons. Not only are they stupid, they are disrespectful! Risk my life and then curse me out. I was pissed.
But still, I shouldn’t be threatening them at knife point… Nothing good can come of that and of course I regret it. I think if I was sober, I would have just called them stupid gooks and kept driving. If they want to try and jump me then OK it’s war motherfuckers… But I shouldn’t be the first one jumping off the bike. That’s just reckless behavior.
You need to be humble out here. You need patience. Alcohol can effect your humility and your patience. Be careful about this… If you have a hot temper, you need to learn to brush things off. Just remember this quote, “It’s No Big Deal.” Nothing is a big deal in the grand scheme of life. Not crazy bitches or annoying assholes. So just let it go.
It’s always the drunk tough guy who ends up getting his skull cracked with a brick. And guess what? Nobody would have helped me there… I would have bled out on that dark street alone. Not cool.
So how was your New Years?
Another day in paradise…