Getting to Boracay is a bit of an adventure. I took a trike to the jeepney station in Angeles City at 5am. Then walked around the parking lot like a clueless foreigner dragging my suitcase and carry on bag. Finally I asked some friendly locals where can I find a taxi to the airport. They pointed at some dented up unmarked white car. That’s the taxi? Ok. So I walked over to it and the guy standing outside came to life. Taxi? Taxi? Ok come on!
Boracay is a tiny island that doesn’t have an airport. The flight goes from Clark airport to Caticlan on Malay. This is the island next to Boracay. I took a van to the ferry where I went through strict security screening.
Armed police and soldiers were everywhere. I saw several signs that said they are under heightened security at this time. There were several billboards showing faces of people and it read “WANTED FOR KIDNAP AND MURDER.”
Well that’s comforting that they’re trying to keep those people off the island. Boracay is the crown jewel of Philippines tourism and they need to protect that cash cow by any means necessary. If a bomb goes off over there the money will dry up quick.
The ferry was quick and painless. Arriving at Boracay I was greeted by an enormous McDonalds billboard on the white sand beach. For fucks sake… But the island was beautiful. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face! I had fun in Manila and Angeles but this is what I was waiting for.
We took another van to my hotel and I checked in. I stayed right on White Beach in Station 2. Center of all the action. Holy shit this place is nice. Powdery white sand and crystal clear blue water.
But it’s no secret either. The place was absolutely packed with tourists. Unlike Manila and Angeles, the Disneyland crowd was here. Groups of fat sun burnt western women. Large groups of Asian families walking around eating ice cream. Dreadlocked rasta looking dudes carrying bongos. It was a bit jarring going from sin city to Disneyland but one could not deny the beauty of the scenery.
The large KFC and Starbucks signs on White Beach is a bit vomitous but hey, I guess it’s convenient to have some first world comforts around. Along with the franchise chain restaurants there were a lot of nice bars, clubs and even a shopping mall area.
The mall, called D Mall was all Koreans. I’ve never seen so many in my life. I mean it was absolutely packed with Koreans of all ages there on holiday. They seem like a decent bunch. I didn’t see anyone hawking loogys or pissing in the bushes in broad day light. These gooks have class.
Korean Women Are Fucking HOT!
Korean women are quite possibly the hottest creatures on this planet. Holy fucking shit. Some of them look like they walked straight off the modeling run way and onto the sand. Bikinis with their long silk robe things and designer sun glasses. Tall, fit, white skin. I got a chubby every time I walked by a group of them.
I quickly made it my goal to bang a Korean chick on Boracay. One evening I was walking and two of them were walking along side of me. I smiled and said hello. They started giggling and talking in Korean. I don’t know a single word of Korean but I would study it if I lived there!
Finally one said “hello. How are you?”
I tried to have a conversation and they looked totally confused… No English. 🙁 Ahh well fuck it. I’m done with the google translate dates for a while. Been there done that! No time for that shit right now. So I smiled and went on my way to find some Pinay pussy.
I “pipelined” some cuties from Filipino Cupid prior to my trip. One was very eager to meet me. She even said she would come straight to my room. And no, she wasn’t a hooker. I asked.
I was already outside so I told her to meet me on the beach. Minutes later she arrived. And… She was ugly. Not butt ugly. I’d still bang her. But she had a face like a hyena and bad skin which is a big turn off for me. But she had a tight little body so I quickly decided would take her for a spin after a few vodka sodas if I was desperate enough. Sure beats the hand.
She was with a cute friend and I really wanted her friend… But I didn’t even want to deal with them. I wanted to go exploring on my own the first night. So after a short chat on the beach I excused myself and told them I’d see them around later.
The nightlife in Boracay is great. I fucking love it. I could live there. In fact I might live there. The party is raging all night every night on the beach and there’s something for everyone.
Quiet relaxing dinner on the beach. Every kind of international cuisine you could ask for. Thumping techno clubs that rage all night. Laid back bars on the sand with Bob Marley playing. Whatever you’re looking for, you can find it on Boracay. And it’s all easily walkable. OK I’ll save all this shit for the location review so stay tuned.
The first night I went bar hopping up and down the beach. Great times. Towards the end of the night the broad from Filipino Cupid was blowing up my phone. “Where are you? Where are you now? I go to you now!”
I really didn’t want to hang out with her. So I was keeping her on the back burner just in case I couldn’t find anything better. Haha! Is that fucked up? Eventually I got pretty drunk and tired so I told her to come to my hotel. She arrived and we were walking in together when the reception stopped us.
They wanted her ID… And she didn’t have it. FUCK! I pleaded with them come on… Let her in… She’s not a hooker she’s my friend! “Sorry sir, all guests must have ID.”
God fucking damn it. She lives way on the other side of the island. She would have to take a taxi home and then come all the way back. I just said fuck it and said goodnight to her. She went on her way.
I was angry. I really wanted to rag this little broad. But oh well… I’m in paradise. Take a deep breath and relax. I went to bed and got a good nights sleep.
Day 2 on Boracay Island, Philippines – Beaches and Hoes
So the next day I was wondering around the beach like a sweaty jack ass when I run into the hyenas cute friend. We instantly recognized each other. I asked her what she was doing and she said nothing. I said well shit me too! Let’s do nothing together!
We had a little lunch and I asked if she could show me around the island. She agreed. I went to rent a motorbike and holy fucking shit. What a tourist trap Boracay is. A motorbike rental on Boracay is 2,500 pesos per day. In Angeles it’s 300 per day. Outrageous. I ended up renting a bike for four hours for 1,600 pesos. Bang me in the ass with no lube while you’re at it!
But hey, I had my own wheels and a pug monkey hanging off my back so life was good. We drove all over the island and explored the different beaches. Boracay is REALLY small. And there’s only one main road which is way too small for all the traffic and people there. I don’t know how much more the island can handle. It’s being crushed by development. Traffic in the center moves at a snails pace with all the vans, bikes and trikes inching their way forward in the hot sun. Maybe it’s just like this in peak season? I don’t know.
So me and my island snapper found a nice quiet beach in the north of the island. Fucking paradise. Incredible. I won’t even tell you the name. Some things you just need to find on your own. 🙂
There was nobody there. Just a small shack selling cold beers. Me and my ladyfriend sat there in silence on the sand and sipped our Sam Miguels. I swear I had an emotional moment. This is what life is all about. Little moments like that. Heaven on earth.
We had a photo shoot and a walk on the beach. It was perfect. Then we traveled back down to the traffic clogged south of the island. I returned the bike as the sun started setting.
We decided to go swimming near my hotel but we weren’t wearing bathing suites. So I stopped into a little shop and bought myself some shorts and I bought her a bikini. She was all excited and so was I. I knew I would be seeing that wet bikini on the floor of my hotel later on. 😀
We went swimming in the crystal clear blue waters of Boracay Island. The sun was setting over white beach. One of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen and probably will ever see in my life. I was carrying her through the water. She had her arms and legs wrapped around me. We were making out passionately and I didn’t give a fuck who was watching. My dick was hard enough to break bricks. At one point I slid her bikini bottoms to the side and tried to slide my cock in. She stopped me.
“Not here! Wait until we’re in the room!” she said.
God damn it woman. My nuts are the size of oranges right now. I need to drain these things ASAP! OK I’ll be patient… I groped her body in every way possible and I was really getting worked up. I had to go for a swim by myself so my cock would settle down. I’m not trying to walk down the beach with a throbbing boner.
So me and her go walking up to my resort dripping wet ready to fuck. What a perfect day! Now I just need a nice cold shower, 45 minutes of rough sex and some cold beers. So as we’re walking past reception we get stopped. “ID please!’
And… The bitch doesn’t have her ID. FUCK! My blood was boiling. I was really close to causing a fucking scene. Can’t they let me get a nut off?! I gritted my teeth and tried politely pleading with them. “Please……. She’s my friend….. we’re just going to change and come back out…. don’t make her travel all the way to her home for that……”
“Sorry sir. All guests must have ID.”
You motherfuckers. I was disgusted. I told her to go home and shower and I’ll see her later, then I stormed off.
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