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I'm not chasing women anymore and here's why (serious thread) Part1

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Firestarter, Dec 21, 2016.

  1. Firestarter

    Firestarter Pyromaniac

    Hello fellow tribe members and greetings from glorious Saigon. Today I would like to get all emotional with you and share some thoughts that have been running through my head for the past couple of weeks. I know that I’ll come across as a real stick-in-the-mud by doing so but that’s fine by me. I would rather be disliked for speaking the truth than loved for keeping up appearances. What I am about to say may not even hold true for a lot of you and that’s absolutely fine. I am here today to talk to you about the darker side of womanizing and the opportunity cost that this has on one’s well-being in life.

    In a nutshell: I overdo it when it comes to sex. It’s a constant competition with me to see how many I can bang, a competition where I have collected numerous trophies and won several prestigious awards. No matter how many ‘trophies’ I win, it’s still not enough. The compulsion to outdo myself, increase my subscription rates and be on the constant lookout for fresh companions is ever present. As of recent, I have started to ask myself how healthy this is.

    I am likening it to the temporary rush I used to get from drugs. Foreplay was like arranging to score and then when the merchandise arrived and was consumed it was pure ecstasy for a brief moment. And then the drugs started to wear off. I would start coming down and thinking about my next score. The psychology is still the same, only the playing field has changed with women replacing drugs.

    I have also started to ask myself whether it’s worth it? Sure, nothing beats the feeling of getting into some new pussy but what am I missing out on that I could otherwise be doing? Where else could I be redirecting my efforts towards? The longest I have gone without having sex this year is something like 10 days and even that period was followed by a smorgasboard of delight. I also calculated that I had an average of 3-4 hours of sex per week this year. This doesn’t include all the time spent arranging things, talking to the girl, dates, spending time with her in between, kicking her out etc… This would more likely have consumed 30-40 hours per week. No kidding…

    Hooking up with women is becoming ever more predictable and less enjoyable. If only it were just about the sex and nothing else it would be great. No, for each woman I end up scoring with, I will invariably have to deal with her emotions, insecurities, fears and other issues even though I am completely honest and upfront about my intentions. I don’t lead them on or anything, but a switch flips inside of them after we do the deed and I have found myself having to deal with the darker side of polyamory.

    This one wants to meet with no warning, that one suddenly decides that she wants to get serious, the other one flakes for no reason, another one changes moods more often than the weather changes in Saigon. There’s more. One of them will want to talk and ‘share everything’, another one will throw a hissy fit for no reason, another will demand that I state my intentions for her. Another one will want money, affection, to meet her family… The list of women’s demands is never ending but I do bring it upon myself by courting so many of them. It is all having a multiplier effect and I have found myself having to shrug off all of their concerns just for the sake of hooking up.

    Add to this, the fact that I am constantly on the lookout for new recruits. It’s not enough for me to just have a reliable harem, I need to keep replenishing it as well. I find myself dragged into meaningless bouts of online flirting & messaging with the sole intent of getting girls to meet. Once I meet them in person I have a really good success rate, it’s just all the sifting through the shit in the background that is just as draining.

    The worst part is that these are all really nice girls that I am with. Even though they know what it’s all about, there’s still the hope that they will manage to convert me. Have you heard the old adage that goes something like: When a woman enters a relationship she expects to be able to change her man; he doesn’t. When a man enters a relationship he expects women to remain the same; they change. I’m fighting a losing battle against nature here. I don’t really enjoy being the cause of other people’s sadness, even if this sadness is a deep-rooted issue that they have. I don’t like being the catalyst that brings it out even if facing it is better for them in the long run. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, just think about the Asian culture of saving face. Feelings are routinely buried and covered up for the sake of keeping up appearances and not offending others. All of it is catching up to me.

    There’s only so much more of this cultural divide thing that I can take. I was brought up to believe in equality & fairness for all. These are principles which I have maintained throughout my life even when it has made me unpopular (such experiences were also a blessing in disguise as they revealed others’ true colors, but I digress…). The point I am trying to make is that I firmly believe in always providing value with whatever I do. I have never been one to take for the sake of taking without offering something in return. While in my mind I have always known that the types of relationships that I’ve been engaging in with women have undoubtedly benefited them I don’t know if the same can be true if they have benefited me.

    I am not just talking about the sex which is the number one benefit. I have so much more life experience than any of them could ever dream of having, I know how to help them out and see things more clearly from a different perspective, I have taught them a lot of valuable life-lessons which they could never hope to learn from a VN guy, or if they did, it would take way more time and be extremely more complicated. Those of you who are familiar with Asia will understand what I mean. What I am trying to say is that I am giving more than I am getting back. A pussy will only get you so far in life, it’s not your golden ticket to having people do everything you want. At least not with me, try that with a Viet dude who is way more desperate and eager to please. Vaginas have their sell-by dates. This is a concept that too many women fail to grasp, to their detriment.

  2. Firestarter

    Firestarter Pyromaniac

    Where am I going with this? Yeah, I know… I’m getting there, just hear me out. So I have also been thinking that if I had put even 25% of the effort into improving my finances that I put into sleeping with women I’d be a USD millionaire by now. Sleeping with all these women has been a lot of fun, has been a great experience and has helped me grow as a person. I feel that I am not getting any return on my investment. Sure I can claim to have slept with almost 100 women (excluding prostitutes) but what do I really have to show for my effort? Just a stronger habit that is becoming harder to break.

    When I work on something I get so into it, to the point of obsession. It’s a good quality I have and one which I need to learn to harness and channel into other more worthy pursuits. I have a lot of good ideas which could be profitable in a short period of time but whenever I think about working on them, the call of the wild sets in and I find myself arranging to hook up with some random girl. This is a mental flaw on my part, I admit, and one that I am coming clean with. Even though I have a steady job out here that pays me way more than I need to live a comfortable life, it’s still not the ideal life I envision. It’s pretty easy work and it’s extremely easy to fall into a trap, as I have fallen into but I see myself doing more. I won’t settle for anything less.

    I was re-reading the all-time classic; Think & Grow Rich the other day and it really struck a chord, especially the chapter on sex transmutation. For those of you who aren’t in the know, it basically means what I mentioned in the previous paragraph about channeling one’s sexual energy. It also talks about how some of the most sexual people in the world had strong sex drives. It also said that most men really begin to accomplish things after they turn 40, as their sex drives aren’t as high at this age and they can focus on more meaningful pursuits without getting distracted. All I know is that it’s a good skill to start working on now in my early 30s. It’s all too easy to stay stuck in the teacher trap.

    There is a lot of meaningful advice in that book that I had forgotten about. I am very grateful for having taken the time to re-read it. For the foreseeable future, I am going to cut down on my sexual exploits and begin working on the other projects that I have stuffed under the table. I will do so in the spirit of treating the realization of my goals as one of my sexual conquests. The trick is to get turned on by having your plans materialize and courting success, the same way you would court a fair maiden in the good old days; with a lot of persistence & determination. Fortunately for me, these are qualities which I already possess in abundance. It’s just a matter of re-directing them.

    Learning the local language is also a big deal for me and is something that I have been getting progressively better at. I am now at the point where I can have a conversation in broken VN and understand what people are saying. I also recently met a girl (online) who doesn’t speak a word of English. When we met in person I only needed to rely on Google translate a few times for some of the more technical words. I figure that I am gonna kill 2 or 3 birds with one stone and just start seeing her. She is as cute and as nice as could be. I will learn a lot of Vietnamese from her and it will be enough to curb my sexual appetite.

    Rubbing one out just doesn’t have the same effect nor is it as beneficial for my health. The release of endorphins or whatever other chemical your body secretes after sex just doesn’t happen through masturbation. Better yet, I am trying to cut back on the urge altogether as it will just turn into a self-perpetuating habit. Nature has established bounds for sexual pleasure. Just think how enthusiastic you feel about sex after you come. Enough said.

    The irony is that by being less available and by realizing my goals, I will become more attractive to women and have to work less harder in the future to sleep with them. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, unless of course the next guy happens to be @Skins . I just feel that it’s getting in the way. All this chasing is getting old, I don’t even feel the thrill of the hunt anymore. Women will always be there. There seems to be an endless supply of gorgeous women here in Saigon and I am going to take a break from trying to get into each & everyone of their pants, at least until I have my projects up & running.

    Congratulations if you made it this far and please go ahead and call me a traitor all you want. I’m all ears. I will still routinely comment on the forum during these next few months and I don’t at all condone the lifestyle that this site endorses. Quite the opposite in fact. It has just sort of run its course for me personally, I hope that many of you will one day be in a position to say the same thing. I guess the guys that have advocated paying for sex all along and not dealing with what I just talked about do have pretty sound reasoning for doing so. Before you tell say ‘I told you so’ just know that it’s one of those things I had to figure out for myself.

    Here’s to a productive 2017 for all my brothers on SMP as well as all the Hindus that seem to stalk the sight looking for inspiration, with the exception of course of @wanderluster , you’re alright. You actually remind me of Vikram in Shantaram. If you aren’t familiar with that book then I suggest dropping everything you are currently doing and reading it. You will love it.

    What are your thoughts on this subject? Have any of you been thinking the same recently or am I just blowing hot air? I would love to hear what you think.
  3. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Well said and I agree with you 100%. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. You make a lot of good points here.

    This is a huge problem for me as well. Just this morning I sat at a cafe for over an hour texting random sluts... No I wasn't reading, or writing, or studying. I was texting random broads that I have zero interest in besides shooting a hot load on them. I recognize that's ridiculous but it's like I can't help myself! Truly an addiction.

    I wrote a blog post called "Banging Hookers Will Make You More Productive." I still believe that and I mentioned that I would like to change my approach to women. If I like a girl and I'm GENUINELY interested in dating her then I will take the time to court her. And if it goes well then I will date her and treat her good. Then I can get back to working on my business goals.

    If I don't like a girl then I won't waste time on her. I will just go get a massage if I need a quick release. That way I don't spend hours texting and fucking around with these flakey broads.

    Now, that's easier said then done. I think you understand when I say that I enjoy the hunt. I enjoy sliding into that new piece of strange after charming her panties off. But in the end, it's NOT worth the time or effort. I'm not a young man any more. As the years go on I find that I value my time more and more.

    Dude I just recently had a panic attack thinking that I am in my thirties and I'm not rich yet... When I was younger I was sure I would be a millionaire by now. I was all about business back in the day and my grind was relentless. But now I have enough to live it up here so I'm just kind of coasting... Fuck that shit man. It's not what I want.

    I totally agree with you. You always need to be striving for more. Many guys would be perfectly content with teaching English for a decent salary and just hanging out in their free time. You want more so you know what you need to do! Go for it!

    I'm about to embark on that same journey. Let's all focus and make 2017 a tremendous year for our goals! I'm working on it but it's hard to break old habits haha. Honestly I haven't gone to the Philippines yet for this very reason... I have the money. I have nothing holding me here. But I just KNOW that as soon as I hit the ground there I'm going to be on the dating sites, mongering, getting wasted every night... Probably won't even open my laptop for weeks at a time.

    Nothing wrong with that. But I'm just mentally not ready for that right now. I would feel some kind of guilt as I fuck around and get wasted with mindless broads as months of my life go by... Maybe after a big financial milestone I'll run wild for a few months but DAMN I can't be wasting any more time. I'll leave you with this quote from a Drake song.

    "Pussy is only pussy and I get it when I need it."

    Good luck with your goals!
  4. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Another funny quote I read. Forget who... But he said "The ideal job for an aspiring writer is being the landlord at a brothel. It's quiet during the mornings and afternoons so you can get your work done... And in the evening there are opportunities to socialize if you choose to partake." :D

    OK maybe I'll open my digital nomad resort on the beach in Cambodia and I'll stick a BJ bar in the lobby. Perfect! Guys can grind around the clock with fast wifi in their rooms or in the community area. Coffee and beer on tap 24/7. Can get a massage or BJ downstairs any time. The beach is right outside. God damn I'm shitting gold these days! :D
    kris_105, wanderluster and tc_pattaya like this.
  5. Firestarter

    Firestarter Pyromaniac

    It looks like we are in the same boat then and are both fortunate enough to have had the experiences we've had and still have some common sense left in the tank. You are probably right about The Philippines, although a few weeks over there just to get it out of your system shouldn't hurt. That which you fight only comes back stronger to bite you in the ass. You have been talking about the Philippines for a long time so why not just spend a month there. It would be a nice change from Vietnam, it's a fun place and after seeing what low IQs some of the pinay girls have, you'll be rearing to get back here (or it may just be enough to put you off women for a while).

    Pussy is only pussy and you're right when you say it's always there. We may not be 'young men' anymore but our best years are still to come. Being a young man wasn't all that great, at least for me. Being 30 kicks ass! It's just time to get back on it and stop dissipating my energy on unworthy pursuits. A few months of only banging one or two girls every now and again is what I need at this stage.

    So yeah, here's to making 2017 epic and to working on things that will actually matter in 5 years time.
    wanderluster and Skins like this.
  6. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    I will live by this motto sir!

    I'll start by turning my phone off and rubbing one out. Be right back.
  7. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    I will be commenting later today once I finish some stuff that I'm working on.
  8. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    ^^THIS. I am not going to say "I told you so" because I am and have been for quite a while an advocate of P4P. I totally understand that everyone has to figure this out themselves. And guess what? Mine were the same reasons as yours plus one more. I really hate breaking broads' hearts. The thing is, in a relationship, no matter how clear and explicit you are with your intent to your broad, they just assume that they can really win you over the time as you aptly mentioned. Hell, on my last trip, I did not even meet the gal I had lined up (she was a solid 8) because she kept insisting that I will change my mind (I kept insisting that I do not want LTR) and agree to date her long term.

    The other thing is, and this might well be age-related, that I am not really addicted to sex anymore. I really-really like it, but I am not addicted to it. As I had mentioned in my previous thread, it is like taking a good dump to me. I really like it but I am not addicted to it. I used to be sex-crazed all the time in my twenties but I am not anymore in my late thirties now. As I said, it can well be age-related. I do jerk it every other day tho to be honest but it is just for the sake of busting a nut.

    It was a well-written and honest post by you and I do salute you for coming clean. You are NOT a traitor. You just passed a phase in your life just like I did a few years back. Trust me I saved the most when I broke up with my fiance and that is the reason I could kiss good bye to 8-5 jail. I am NEVER going back to "dating." It was fun while it lasted now it is NOT.

    And yes, here is to all of us taking new steps to reach our respective horizons in 2017. I have BIG plans in motion too. WE WILL CRUSH IT.
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
    southernallstars, Skins and kris_105 like this.
  9. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    Oh, I forgot to mention. "Hindus who* seem to stalk the site* looking for inspiration......." Sorry bro. Had to do it. Old habit. ;)

    P.S. There are more but you get the point.
  10. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    ^^THIS. A man needs a goal. Period. When you become content, you DIE. I was dead for 5 years. Only traveled, watched movies, felt good about my situation (both monetarily and personally) for about 2 years and then I was a dead man for 3 years. Not knowing what to do next. I became active this year and WILL crush it next year for sure.

    As they say, "I am content with my contentment levels." I say FUCK THEM.
    Skins and kris_105 like this.
  11. Firestarter

    Firestarter Pyromaniac

    Lol, I deliberately put those mistakes on their because I no how much it pisses your slimy hindoo ass off.

    Yeah, you are also right. I guess it was just a phase that I feel like I have passed but am extremely grateful for having had the chance to experience & enjoy. 2017 is gonna be my bitch! 2017 will literally be the year of bitches. Enough of that seduction crap (for a while), it takes up too much time and energy.
    Skins and wanderluster like this.
  12. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    Hahaha. Let us rock next year. Cheers.
    Firestarter likes this.
  13. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    Not to mention protein (jizz).
    Skins and Firestarter like this.
  14. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Well in the spirit of this thread I had a productive day. Ignored all my broads and then hit the hot toc on the way home. Of course it was a greasy disheveled cunt with a sour face. Gave me a lazy BJ with an aggressive hand job to finish me off. The whole time I was worrying about my bike outside... Fuckin A man. Maybe Pattaya or Angeles is better for this lifestyle haha.

    And how can I stop dating?? Nothing beats bare backing a sweet innocent college girl. Nothing!!! I guess the only other option is to get a girlfriend. But that takes maintenance... Gets annoying at times.

    I think it just boils down to discipline. Every single action of every single day, you have to ask yourself... Is this thing I'm about to do moving me towards my goals? If the answer is no then forget it. Or, fuck her quickly and throw her out. :D
    tc_pattaya and wanderluster like this.
  15. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    If at all were it so simple. SMH.
    Skins likes this.
  16. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Life's all about balance bro. Too much of anything is unhealthy. Yes, even pussy!
  17. brockstar

    brockstar Legendary Member

    Well, I'm not gonna say I told you so, because not everyone is capable of being OK with being a monger. Look at how many gays live in emotional anguish. They love a big meaty dick in their mouth and a big load of sperm to gulp, but outside of their lil gay comfort-zone they're total freaks. Being a fag is great if you're in L.A., SF or NY (city), but try being one in Houston (Texas) or even worse Salt Lake City (Utah). Being a monger first sucks in places like Taiwan, PRC and Vietnam, but it's fucking GREAT in HK, Singapore and LOS. I realize the Gooks pay English teachers pretty well, but honestly I'd rather live in Chinkland (Guangdong province, which is close to HK) than Gookville. It pays just as well, has better infrastructure, more stable working conditions and is only a hop, skip and a jump away from HK (a monger's candyland :)).

    All that being said, its not about whether mongers are right/wrong and same with those who like to game, its about WHO YOU ARE. It wasn't until I began living/working in Asia that I realized that I'm a monger FIRST. Will I tap non-pro pussy? FUCK YEAH, but only if its as convenient and as inexpensive as pro pussy. In Thailand, I work a lot and don't have a lot of time to dilly-dally waiting for an uninteresting bitch to show up an hour late, I'd rather just get a negrita (0r Thai) for some short time action. Being a monger first, ESPECIALLY if you're American, is a tough thing to admit......because only a total loser pays for least directly. Then you get to the point of realizing that most Americans know absolutely nothing about the world outside of the lower 48 (and if they're from Cali, it's outside of Cali!).

    I never came to a point where I said, I'm not gonna chase women anymore. I just went with what my desires were. It turned out that I was fucking way more pros than I was non-pros. Things just kinda happened that way and I said to myself, OK I prefer whores. Simple as that. My advice is to avoid from over-thinking such a thing. Just go with what you want. If you don't want to hurt non-pro ladies anymore, STOP DOING SO, bone hookers.........OR you can always settle down and get married :eek:
    Skins, kris_105 and Firestarter like this.
  18. Firestarter

    Firestarter Pyromaniac

    That's some pretty sound advice bro, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I completely agree with what you said.

    What's living in China like? My impression of that place was that it's not very western-friendly. Ie, it's not as easy for a westerner to settle into but I suppose that can also be a good thing and if you enjoy it there that's great.
    Skins likes this.
  19. brockstar

    brockstar Legendary Member

    The money in China is good and jobs are pretty easy in that not much is expected of you if you're at a government school AND they'll supply an apartment for you. It's not Western friendly and the people have absolutely no manners, but it's a great place to stay focused on work and saving $ Mon-Fri, due to the lack of temptation. For the weekends go to Hong Kong and party it up.
    Skins and swissghost like this.
  20. tc_pattaya

    tc_pattaya Well-Known Member

    “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
    -Oscar Wilde
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