Lifting for (middle-aged) retards

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by mistergrumpus, Oct 5, 2016.

  1. mistergrumpus

    mistergrumpus I Ride My Bicycle To Church

    So look. I'm 41 and skinny and weak. Always have been. I'm happy with my legs because I bike everywhere, but the rest of me doesn't match.

    My connecting/support/coordination muscles are surely weak as well, which makes me paranoid about injuring myself.

    I got a copy of "Starting Strength" and holy shit it was an inch thick and I couldn't even force myself to read it, even though I tried. Just a mountain of words about other words and concepts that I know nothing about.


    Can you think of a program out there that I can hope to understand? I need lots of really good illustrations (and/or a YouTube channel?) so that I can have any confidence at all that I'm using the right forms and not fucking myself up without even knowing it until it's too late.

    Sorry for my pissy tone, BTW. I'm just frustrated by the poor quality of instruction that I've been able to find... and also with myself for having put this off for so long. But I just can't risk injuring myself because at this age getting better can take forever. So it's this fear-deficit that's really got me down now. What I won't do is walk into a gym and start messing around randomly. Being the weakest guy in there is hard enough already / I don't need to look like a dumbass too.

    ...and thank you (really).
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  2. LadLife

    LadLife Well-Known Member would be your best bet
    Sorry to say if you can't force yourself to read a book multiple times to understand the concept then how do you expect to go to war in the squat rack.
    My opinion would be to get a gym membership asap start going maybe just do machine work (less chance of injury) build your confidence, get a routine, establish a good habit and get on and become a sponge for information also research nutrition deeply , nutrition is key if you want steady results
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  3. brockstar

    brockstar Legendary Member

    Well, whenever I injure myself I tend to go very light with a lot of reps and work my way up from there.

    Another I will tell you is that if you don't genuinely like lifting, and do it because you feel you have to, you won't go very far. Most people over look this, but its very important. If you hate lifting you can do crossfit, rowing, rock climbing, swimming to develop upper body strength.
  4. DonTravolta

    DonTravolta le spicy memer

    M8 buy convict conditioning I can't stress that out often enough. You will love his writing style and he builds up the exercises from levels when you just come out of rehab as a paraplegic to ultimate beast difficulty.
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  5. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Me: Here's a blog post about how I gained 40 pounds quick! I used this program!

    Grumpus: I'm too lazy to read it so can you break it down for me.

    Haha fair enough. Here's the program.


    The book is long winded but there is a lot of good stuff about form in there. You want to get the lifts right before you start loading up the bar with heavy weight. Start off light and practice the movements.

    You have two different work outs. A and B. You will lift every other day. Three days a week. Example.

    Monday: A
    Tuesday: OFF
    Thursday: OFF
    Friday: A
    SAT and SUN: OFF

    Monday: B
    Tuesday: OFF
    Wednesday: A
    Thursday: OFF
    Friday: A

    Get it?

    That's it! Three days a week and you're in and out within an hour. Pretty easy right?

    Well, you will be lifting heavy and squatting three times a week... Honestly that is tough. You are supposed to load up the bar so that you can just barely get five reps. Each time you go in the gym you want to add a little bit more weight. Constant progression.

    Three hours a week doesn't seem like much but you will be working when you're in there. Make sure you have a proper squat rack in your gym. I hated squatting before I started this but you just have to learn to love it... The squat rack is your new best friend!

    You need to eat a lot of calories and get plenty of rest so your body can keep up with this.

    Oh and I recommend ditching the power cleans for bent over rows. (For now.) Power cleans are difficult to do properly. You don't want to snap your shit up. I go back and forth with these but I usually do bent over rows. (Google bent over rows.)

    So your workouts will look like this.

    A Day
    Squat 3x5
    Bench 3x5
    Deadlift 1x5 (Deadlift is a taxing lift so they say just do one set.)

    B Day
    Squat 3x5
    Press 3x5
    Rows 3x5 (You can try the cleans if you want.)

    You will use the bar bell for everything. No machines, dumbbells or cables.

    Start off slow and learn the movements. Trust me, if you're new to lifting then you will be sore as fuck with barely any weight on the bar. Just practice the movements. Have someone watch you or do what I did, film yourself lifting then evaluate your form. I would just lean my iPhone up in the corner and film myself squatting from the side. :confused: You want to keep your back straight and all that good stuff.

    Can you squat? When I started off my hips were stiff as fuck. Now I spend a few minutes every morning stretching. Just crouch down into the squat position and sit there. Bounce around a bit. Hold onto something if you have to. Us westerners grew up sitting in chairs so squatting can be tough for us. My hips and my ankles are still tight as fuck and I know my form is hurting because of it but I've come a long way. How often do you squat in day to day life? For me it's about never, unless I'm at the gym... Not good.

    OK this is almost as long as the book haha. My advice is to follow this program for as long as you can. You will start stalling at some point but if you do it right, you will SHOCK yourself how fast you progress. These compound exercises will be the foundation of your workouts. Once you add some slabs of meat to your back then you can try the crossfit, swimming, zumba, hopscotch, hoola hoops and whatever else the ladies are into these days. ;)

    Brockstar touched on motivation. Well, for me, looking in the mirror and seeing how swole I looked was all the motivation I needed. Lift heavy and eat BIG. You will see progress quick! Plus when I started out squatting I was sore as fuck trembling with a 25 lb plate on each side. Weeks later I had two 45s on each side and I was banging reps all day. Damn I love the sound of those steal plates slapping!


    Drink one gallon of water a day. Are you a skinny fuck? You need to eat man... I have skinny genes too and trust me, you have to eat MORE then you think you can. It's hard at first. Try smaller meals more frequently. Work your way up. Get a shit load of eggs, meat, rice, pasta, veggies. Glasses of whole milk with every meal.

    I highly recommend a good multi vitamin, fish oil and creatine monohydrate. Creatine works. It's 100% safe, effective and cheap. Just get the regular creatine monohydrate. You don't need any crazy expensive blends like cell tech.

    I also recommend whey protein. Food is better, but it's just so easy to slam a shake or two every day to help get the extra protein in. I like ON brand chocolate FWIW.

    In summary, if you do these lifts heavy, eat like crazy, take your creatine daily and get sufficient sleep, I guarantee that in three months your friends and co workers will start saying "dude WTF are you on???"

    Go for it bro! I'm getting back in the game myself. Let's get motivated!
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  6. tc_pattaya

    tc_pattaya Legendary Member

    @Skins: that is pretty similar to the StrongLifts 5x5 program, except they alternate ABA - BAB and use a barbell row. On my recent trip, a couple girls commented on the increase in "hip power" from before after just a couple months of doing squats. How's that for motivation? ;)
    @mistergrumpus "Starting Strength" is very dense, but you can skip most of the theory and just focus on the photos that show the proper form and motion.
    LadLife, Skins and wanderluster like this.
  7. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Haha dude my ass and thighs blew up on that program! Girls should take note haha. Yeah I agree. @mistergrumpus just use SS as a reference, you don't need to read it cover to cover like a novel. Want to learn how to squat? Flip to that chapter.

    I don't know much about Strong Lifts but I heard it's basically SS without the cleans? I'll check it out.

    I basically still do SS but I go lighter and do 8 reps. And I do arm work too. Usually pull ups and dips at the end of my work outs. Think I'll do SS by the book again since I need to bulk something serious. Dropped a bunch of weight. :(
  8. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

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  9. LadLife

    LadLife Well-Known Member

    @Skins you still predominantly do strength training?
  10. mistergrumpus

    mistergrumpus I Ride My Bicycle To Church

    Red-hot super-shit! Printing...
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  11. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    I lost a bunch of weight because I was binge drinking and eating bullshit like noodles and banh mi every day. I have been doing a pussified version of starting strength for a while. Basically same routine as SS but I do rows instead of cleans. And I do 4 sets of 8-10 instead of 3x5. I also do some arm work just pull ups and dips at the end of every work out.

    This month I am back doing the starting strength program and I'm eating like crazy. Need to get my weight back up.
  12. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    I just want to stress the diet part again. It's so important! The gym is the easy part. Go hard for three hours a week... No problem. But then you need to force yourself to eat a bunch of calories every day.

    I recommend buying a bunch of tupperware containers. Then go do your shopping and cooking in bulk. Bake two big pans of chicken breast, a bunch of boxes of pasta and steam a bunch of mixed veggies. Then sort it all into the tupperware containers. You don't have to be scientific and weigh it out. Just make up good medium sized meals. This should last you a few days so you don't have to fuck around and cook every time you are hungry.

    I also made a meal of rice, veggies, ground hamburger and fried eggs. Mix it all up and stick it in containers. Quick and easy to inhale one of those on a coffee break.

    Stick a bunch of these meals in a cooler and take them to work with you. Also throw a liter of whole milk in there. Creatine is a must. Whey is good if you're stuck without food for some reason. I don't know your job but you should get a couple breaks and a lunch time so that's three meals right there. Plus breakfast and dinner. Plus one more meal before bed. BOOM that's six meals.

    Make sure you get that gallon of water in. You're an athlete so I'm sure you have done this before. I'm shocked to see how many people DO NOT drink water. I mean no water... For example, I was talking to one of my girls here. She drinks coffee in the morning, juice, tea, soda with dinner. The only time she drinks water is a tiny sip after I pound her pussy into submission. That's crazy... I'm a water addict! I do more then a gallon a day without trying.

    You will bulk up quick from this I'm sure! Might want to check your testosterone levels too. Make sure everything is on point. If you have low test then building muscle will be an uphill battle. I supplement zinc. Not sure if it's necessary but I heard most people are zinc deficient which is not good for a young male athlete who fucks once or twice a day.

    Write down your body weight and take a pic now. Then check back after 3,6,9,12 months. Stick with it bro! Adopt this lifestyle and you will see tremendous gains.
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  13. LadLife

    LadLife Well-Known Member

    " A young male athlete who fucks once or twice a day. " -
    @Skins , haha epic
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  14. Sean

    Sean Well-Known Member

    If calories are a problem eat peanut butter, tasty and VERY calorie dense

    To grow a nice upper body requires lots of pressing, rowing and vertical pulls. Volume in terms of overall sets is key, as is progression.
  15. LadLife

    LadLife Well-Known Member

    Imo , eat all your meals for the day then when you are full drink protein shake with peanut butter and banana or something , my mistake I made first year of trying to gain weight is that I thought I was eating big but I was out by like 600cals , tracking macros is key , it's fucking boring and a job but it really is the difference between gaining or remaining the same in my experience (I went from 55kg at 20 to 85kg at 23 ) you really have to force the food in some days
    Skins likes this.
  16. DonTravolta

    DonTravolta le spicy memer

    Just go for chocolate and candy if you can't gain weight from eating 6 big meals each day. Just don't replace the important nutrients with sugar and you do fine.
  17. brockstar

    brockstar Legendary Member

    The other thing to keep in mind is that you may not have the genes to get bulk. Don't let it discourage you though, because at the very least you will get physically stronger. It wasn't till my late 20s where I came to terms with the fact that I have the bulky genes and would never get cut like Bruce Lee, but I still lift light with a lot of reps cos' still is great for stamina.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2016
  18. Sean

    Sean Well-Known Member

    I mean no disrespect but this is brosicence, there are no bulk genes and the somatotypes have also never been supported. Weight gain is dictated by calories.
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  19. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    That was a good gain there in your early twenties! @mistergrumpus if you can stomach it try a gallon of whole milk a day. That and 3+ meals a day you WILL gain weight.

    1 gallon whole milk contains 2400kcal, 200g carbs, 120g fat, 120g protein and lots of vitamins & minerals for a relative low price.
  20. LadLife

    LadLife Well-Known Member

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