Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by DonTravolta, Jul 17, 2016.
Alright lads, give me the best jokes you have, I want something to laugh
What's black and doesn't work?
Half of London
What's the difference between niggers and snow tires?
The tires don't start to sing when you put on the chains
What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon
What has 400 arms and is 100m long?
The train to Auschwitz
A nigger and a spic sit in a car. Who's driving?
I lol'd but then I remember my fam were in Bastille Day celebration. They're safe though.
>What's black on top and white on the bottom?
What does a nigger do after he had sex?
15 years to life.
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are standing on the corner when they see a little boy walking by.
Priest; Hey Rabbi, lets fuck that little boy!
Rabbi; Out of what?
What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
What's the difference between a large pizza and a nigger?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
What's wrong with four niggers in a cadillac going off a cliff?
A cadillac seats five!
How can you tell a nigger's just had sex?
His eyes are all red from the mace.
What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.
What starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
A man goes to a public golf course.
He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, 'I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie.'
The man behind the counter says, 'The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today.'
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, 'I think my driver will do the job.'
The robot caddie turned to the man and said, 'No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole.'
Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, 'I think this green is gonna break left to right.'
The robot then again spoke up and said, 'No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left'
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, 'How was your game ?'
The golfer stated, 'It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week. A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, 'I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please.'
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, 'Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints.'
Confused, the golfer cried, 'COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible'
The man sighed and said, 'Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. '
The golfer said, 'So then why didn't you just paint them black?' The man nodded sadly and replied, 'We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President.
Hahahaahaha...You are wicked mate I could not love you more mate.
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains
of Alaska . He was cruising along the campground in the 'Popemobile'
when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He
found a helpless black guy wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama
hat, and a Save the KFC shirt. He was screaming and struggling
frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free itself from the
grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group white guys came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the
semiconscious nigger from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball
bats, the three men finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged
the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other
tossed the injured black in the back of the truck.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I
give you my blessing for your brave actions!", he proudly proclaimed.
"I have heard there was bitter hatred between whites and blacks, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, one guy asked his buddies, "Who was
that ?" "Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact
with Heaven and has access to all kinds of wisdom."
"Well he may have a lot of wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is our bait still alive or do we need to go back to Anchorage and get another nigger.?"
George W. Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”
The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?” Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
Hahahahahaah...KING SWISS, now you know why I said it's gonna be Donny or Flashy.
Why do niggers wear designer clothes, talk on expensive smart phones, drive luxury automobiles, but live in the ghetto?
Because it's hard to steal a house.
An Indian and two niggers were working on a bridge. The Indian fell off and died. When the cops came they asked the two niggers if they knew anything about the Indian. They both said, "no he was pretty quiet, and kept to himself. Then as the cops were leaving, one nigger says, "wait, I does remember something. I know he had two assholes." Cop says, "two assholes? How do you know he had two assholes." Nig says, "the Indian took us to lunch a few times at the corner store. The cashier would see us coming, and say, here comes the Indian with the two assholes."
Why was there only one nigger on the Space Shuttle Challenger?
They didn't know it was going to blow up.
Hahaahha. Can I nominate this joke for the best of the month King Swiss??
Separate names with a comma.