Wasting Away in Koh Samui, Thailand

Discussion in 'Travel' started by Ramblin' Man, Aug 25, 2017.

  1. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    I've been in Koh Samui for 15 days, and I've only been well enough to enjoy myself for 5 of those. I'm recovering from my second illness now, so I thought I'd start my Samui travel thread now and add to it as interesting things happen.

    First some general observations. I'm in Lamai, the next largest town after Chaweng. It's less developed, so more my liking, but for its size there is a pretty large mongering scene. It's low season, so you can have pretty much any lady you want for 1000 baht. That includes bar girls, freelancers, and massage girls. When I last visited (March 2015), 1500 was most often quoted, but now they usually say "how much you give me", and no one’s ever turned down 1000. I suppose I could make a lower first offer, but I don't see the point. Talking to other sexpats, 1000 is pretty standard this time of year.

    Taxis are a ripoff. I forgot about this, and took a taxi to Tesco-Lotus to get a new phone charger since I was still sick enough to not feel like walking. I didn't ask the price before getting in, and the 5 minute ride was 200 baht! (for comparison, the group shuttle from the airport was 170) I intend to rent a motorbike at some point, and learn on some deserted back road, but until then I'm mostly limited to walking, which suits me just fine.

    I've tried WeChat and Badoo out here. WeChat is dead. It's landscape photos with Chinese writing, ladyboys, and the occasional hooker. I was chatting with one and she told me the bar where she works and wanted me to come by. Hah! Yeah, that's what I'm going online for, to go pay a barfine. Or, better, instead of walking by the bars, waiting for a cute girl to catch my eye, I'm going to go to a specific bar, ask for someone by name based on a profile picture just so they can say "Oh, she with customer". I'll pass, thanks. Badoo is a little better, but since the pool is small in Samui, almost all of my matches are on the mainland. Chatting with them is a good way to pass the time while sick in bed, but ultimately pointless. Those that are in Samui are mostly not in my area anyway, like Chaweng, Bophut, Bangrak, etc. I have yet to get anywhere with a good girl, but this really isn't the town for that. We'll see.

    That's it for now. More when I have the energy.
  2. Mikefox

    Mikefox Well-Known Member

    Download grab taxi very cheap!!
    Dale and wanderluster like this.
  3. Soni79

    Soni79 Well-Known Member

    Great details. Looking forward to my trip next week and to meeting you. I'm sure you'll be up and at em soon!

    Is the 1000B apply to chaweng as well? I'll be staying at a hotel on the beach there. Also, hows the talent compared to Phuket, Pattaya, BKK, other places you may have visited?
  4. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Thanks for the update. Get well soon. Lamai is a great place to chill out. Unfortunately the taxi mafia is firmly in place on Samui so you need your own wheels. Just stay away from drunk tourists on the road and you should be fine. I saw quite a few sun burnt, bandaged up foreigners hobbling around the island. A lot of wrecks happen there.

  5. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    How should I know? I'm waiting for your report to find out. ;)

    Look-wise, I think the spread of talent is about the same. Maybe fewer stunners, but they're around. Personality-wise, I think they're the best in the country. Something about fucking around on a tropical island brings out people's happy fun side. Or maybe I'm just projecting. :p
    drifter likes this.
  6. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    And done. I'll try it out, thanks.
    Mikefox likes this.
  7. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    OK, I actually misspoke about being on my second illness. The gastro disruption turned out to be a separate third illness, maybe mild food poisoning. A full day dosing pepto-bismol pills kept me from dipping into my emergency antibiotics I brought with me from my native country. I seem to finally be recovering (again lol).

    Anyway, here's a cautionary tale for you gents.

    A few days ago, I was wondering around the girly bars. For some reason, I felt like going all the way to the beer bar complex around the boxing ring, about a 15 minute walk from my apartment. A cute girl caught my eye, so I sat down and got us a drink. She was acting kind of weird, but only in retrospect. At the time, I didn't really put 2 and 2 together. To wit:

    Warning sign #1: She couldn't play connect-4 worth a crap. Most bar girls can beat me 3-2, roughly, but I skunked her easily. She said she just started working yesterday, so I blamed it on that.

    Warning sign #2: She was talking kind of funny. Slow, and not the usual Thai accent. She said she was from far southern Thailand, so I blew that off as well.

    Warning sign #3: She was drinking her drink *really* slowly. If she didn't want alcohol, she could have gotten apple juice like every other teetotaling whore. This was weird.

    She agrees to 1000, and I pay the barfine (500 before midnight - in Lamai it's usually 300, so that place would be off my list even if everything else went perfectly) and left. While walking with her, I finally get the impression she's not right. Far from the loud music and scripted smalltalk, it's clear her speech is slurred and confused, and she's also walking slowly. Oh God, she's drunk and probably on drugs as well. Goddammit. If I were smarter, I might have sent her back, but I felt compelled to go through with it. She said she was working in a hotel in Chaweng, but (something something), lost phone, started drinking heavily, started working in the bar.

    Back at my place, she tried to back out of the fee she agreed to. "1000 isn't very much. Can you gib me more?" I say I might tip her if she's good, but as we'll see later, that just put the wrong idea in her head. I start my shower while she figures out where to place her things. After that, she goes in the bathroom, then comes out again. "Lamblin' Man, I have accident". Her toe is cut and bleeding. "Oh God, how did you cut your toe?" She had on full shoes, so it couldn't have been while walking. "No, not cut. Accident." Jesus Christ. I get out a band-aid and neosporin and tell her to take a shower and wash first. It takes her forever, but afterwards I help her with first aid. She couldn't figure out how to unwrap the band-aid. She said Thai band-aids unwrap differently, but I'm sure a sober person could either figure it out or force it.

    She lays on her stomach, and after all that, I'm far from turned on, so I just start by giving her a back rub and trying to have a pleasant conversation. Her back is full of knots. Some of my efforts to loosen them make her wince with pain, so I lay off. WTF is wrong with this broad?

    I make sure to get verbal consent just in case she's really out of her gourd. I lay beside her and say "OK, we do boom-boom now?" She opens her eyes to glare at me and say "I not stupid. Me and my boyfriend boom-boom 2 or 3 times a day." OK then.

    Total starfish as I kiss and touch her body. I kneel by her head and place my cock within a couple inches of her face since I didn't trust her to take any initiative or hints. She's actually pretty good at sucking. The main event, I have to go gently. I don't dare try changing positions, and get it over with quick.

    It takes her forever to get ready to leave. She said one of her coworkers can give her a motorbike ride home from the bar. I offer to walk her back. "More money. You said you would gib me?" I lost it and just laughed at her. With my Anglo-Saxon altruism toward other races, I can see myself giving extra for a sob story if she had a halfway agreeable demeanor and was at least mediocre in bed. Possessing neither of these, I thought it best to bring her down to reality. If she wants to last a bit longer at this job, she'd better adjust her expectations.

    It takes her at least 5 full minutes to put on her shoes and tie her shoelaces. I can't help making fun of her for it, and she gets visibly upset, so I apologize. While walking back, a couple Italians(?) recognized her and she stops to banter. I grab her by the arm and pull her along. I'm doing you a fucking favor you cunt, so don't waste my time! She wants a hug after I drop her off, and I give it to her, but she needs a lot more than that. I hope she gets out of whatever situation she's in. If there was a lesson for me to learn from all this, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm definitely taking care to avoid drugged up messes if I possibly can.
  8. Soni79

    Soni79 Well-Known Member

    I have been fucked twice for not having correct international license (car only no motorbike), once in phuket and once in chiang mai. Then I get pulled over in CM again and cop wants 500 even though I get 3 days of penalty free rides after getting a ticket! The police is a mafia too.

    Needless to say I'm hesitant to rent a Scooter again. But maybe it's worth it even after the 500B fine in Samui? @Ramblin' Man any thoughts there?
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2017
  9. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

    Nope. You do not. It is the same law as in the US. There is no going back home without a penalty if you have made a driving/riding mistake. They did not charge you for not having a motorbike license. They charged you for the mistake/riding offense.
    drifter likes this.
  10. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Only ticket I ever got was on Ko Samui. They stopped me for not wearing a helmet. Fucked up because I always wear my helmet. But I just stepped out of the gym, shirtless, dripping with sweat so I didn't put it on. My hotel was one minute down the road and they stopped me.

    500 baht fine. They never asked me for a license. I didn't care about the money but I had to stand in a line of people in the blazing hot sun for almost an hour while they wrote everyone up. I almost passed the fuck out because I was already hung over and over heated from the gym.

    Anyways, you shouldn't require a license but if they stop you, a small fine (bribe) should clear it up.
  11. Soni79

    Soni79 Well-Known Member

    Not sure what you mean. The cop who gave me the ticket said I have 3 days to fix the issue. The cop who pulled me over the second time (one day after I got my ticket) took a pen, changed forward the date by 2 days on the original ticket I showed him, and then wanted 500B tip. I argued with him and he let me go without a collecting a tip (I was leaving same day and didn't need his "favor").

    I was actually also pulled over about 15 minutes after I got a ticket, showed it to my the cops, and they just laughed and let me go. I'm pretty sure the 3 day rule applies here.
  12. Soni79

    Soni79 Well-Known Member

    Was it a checkpoint or a loner cop? The checkpoints are all over Pattaya Chiang Mai, Phuket... No way I could escape them.
  13. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    Funny, I've been here for nearly 3 weeks and have never seen a farang (and only 1 native) wear a helmet. Crackdowns must be an occasional thing like a PBS pledge drive (remember those?). I've heard the police here are even more corrupt than usual, but I've yet to see any evidence of their presence. (maybe they're under my radar) I have on occasion, however, seen people sunbathe topless on an obscure corner of the beach or smoke weed openly on the main beach road.
    Soni79 and Skins like this.
  14. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    Yes it was a check point. They grabbed everyone who drove down the street. Mostly Thai's. They must have made a few grand in that hours work.
  15. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    On dating a divorced mother in Asia.

    So as I said, this is a small area with a small dating pool. I still wanted to try, since I'm here for a while. I have low expectations, since I don't have above average looks (save my exquisite alabaster skin lol). But, I'm here for the full experience, so I'm not giving up yet.

    I met this girl on WeChat, funnily enough. She's looking for a serious relationship. Well, what are you doin' here, honey? Ain't nobody here but freelancers and ladyboys!
    She's nearly 40 (about 5 years younger than me), a school teacher, and has 2 kids. She wants to meet today, since she has to work tomorrow. Weirdly, she suggested the place and the time. I've never known even a Western girl to do that. o_O

    I take my sweet time getting ready and going there, since after all I've read on this, and other blogs, I figured she'd be on Colored People's Time.

    -15 min before the agreed time she messages me "I'm here"
    -5 min before meeting time she says "Where are you"
    Wut. :confused:

    Not bad looking, but looks and dresses like a 40-year old mom. And her arms are hairy. When we part, she invites me to meet again tonight at Sunday walking street market. She'll be there with her kids. I decide to go, and eat a bunch of street food. Her grade-school aged kids are quiet and obedient, the way I like them.

    Next day, the kids' grandma on the father's side is in town to visit, and the girl invites me to walk on the beach with them. Then we go to market and she invites me to have dinner at her house. I buy some chicken of my own so I don't eat them out of house and home. I'm actually excited to see how these people actually live. Turns out she rents a 2-bedroom house for 7000 baht a month, same as my 1-room serviced apartment with no kitchen. I ask if farang can get that kind of price, and no, more like 10000 for farang. Didn't ask about how long the lease is. There's no furniture, so we have to sit on the tile floor. I'm skinny, so this hurts my ankle bones. I like Thai food "plain", but the way they eat it, with their stinky, fishy sauces, I'm not a fan.

    When I go, she walks out to the street with me to say goodbye. I put my arm around her and she reciprocates and leans her head on my shoulder. That's the extent of the 3rd date physical contact. In all seriousness, I'm enjoying this on some level. Weirdly enough, I feel like I'm experiencing an exotic new slice of life. SEA isn't just about sticking your pecker in a series of holes, is it? That said, this won't last. I just got here and I'm not settling yet. Sooner or later gotta keep ramblin'. I want to let her go before she gets fond of me, but also show her a good time.

    Made a date with a 24-year old hottie as well. She didn't show up. OK, that's more like it. I was beginning to wonder.
    dangnomad, Mikefox, Raito and 2 others like this.
  16. Livingthedream

    Livingthedream Well-Known Member

    Just like Phuket, samui's taxi are a complete rip off, I've never been in one and I've been here on an off for a year. I'm a bit of a fitness nerd, so about 18 months ago I purchased a bicycle from Home-pro, use it everyday. Couple times a week I cycle round the island, today I cycled over to Lamai; you get exercise, see the beaches, waterfalls, and have a cheap method of transport. It's not for everyone, but if you like to workout it's a solid option; I love cycling up the hills, mountains in the sun getting super tanned and sweaty.
    On a side note, there are some hot girls currently working in Henry Africa's, soi green mango; the best I've seen since being here. They will cost you more than 1000 baht though, and the bar fine is 500, so plus girly drinks it can add up. On the contrary and a quick rant, the state of the western woman seems to deteriate by the day, the size of them, the state of their complexion, it's horrific....nightmare on elm street kind of thing; have they always been this rough looking, or have I just had it good in Asia for too long :rolleyes:
    Lastly, the cops are still next to Chaweng lake, behind beach road on the corner, they pull Farangs over everyday and fine them for not wearing helmets....the chief of samui police must be loaded, best way to earn money on the island.
  17. wanderluster

    wanderluster Curry Bling Bling

  18. Soni79

    Soni79 Well-Known Member

    @Livingthedream got any recs for places to rent a bike? Seems like much better option than scooter.

    Do cops pull over if you're wearing a helmet if you're farang?
  19. Ramblin' Man

    Ramblin' Man Well-Known Member

    On dating a divorced mother in Asia, part 2.

    After the 4th date, after her son went to sleep, I rawdogged her missionary with the lights off.
    dangnomad, Dale, Mikefox and 4 others like this.
  20. Skins

    Skins Head Nigga in Charge Staff Member

    She sounds like a sweetheart. Enjoy yourself there Ramblin Man. I know you are. How could you not on Samui. It's heaven on earth.
    dangnomad likes this.
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