I don’t like kids. Sure there’s a few out there that look cute or whatever… But I don’t want to be stuck raising one. When I hear a baby cry I feel like hammering a rusty spike into my ear drum. Worst fuckin sound in the world…

Society expects human beings to find a life partner and procreate. People are considered weird if they don’t want to do that. I guess I’m one of those people…

I never want to have children.

There was never a single second where I day dreamed about having a family. Sure I’ve been in love before and marriage is not completely out of the question… Not now, but maybe in the future I’ll meet the woman of my dreams. One thing remains certain… I don’t want any damn kids.

Most of my friends back in American have a wife and several kids. Some are very happy with the way their life turned out. Others feel trapped and live with regret. But they all ask me the same thing…

When are you going to have a family and settle down?

As if there is anything relaxing about having a family… What does “settle down” mean anyways? Bang only one chick? Live in the same town for a decade? Wear my brown loafers to Home Depot to buy mulch and a new garden hose? Spend Friday evening at my daughter’s gymnastics class? I’m not interested in that shit. Not now or anytime in the future.

How do you know if you married the right girl? You’ve only been with 5 different girls. How do you know you want to live in the same town you were born? You never even left the country!

Some of my old friends back in America think I’m crazy… But really, I think they are nuts for not having a look around the car lot before buying the first ride they saw.

In my opinion having kids is the opposite of settling down. For the next ten years or so, THEY decide when you wake up and go to sleep. Unless your wife takes care of everything, but then you better make sure you keep her happy or your life will be very difficult.

Kids are a huge responsibility that consumes your entire existence. They are your everything. Making sure they are safe, healthy, happy, well fed, dressed, cared for, protected, well mannered, educated, etc. It’s all YOUR responsibility. Also, you must provide for your child financially for the first 18 years. Don’t even get me started on people who have kids but can’t afford them…

Then you have your wife… Your high school sweet heart. The woman you got tired of banging years ago. Same face day in and day out. No wild new adventures with sweet young foreign babes. No thrill of that first sexual encounter with a new girlfriend. That amazing first few months of dating when everything is fresh and exciting.

Just same old shit. Wait for the babies to fall asleep then fuck her doggystyle in the dark while you dream about the secretary working in your office. Some days you might even watch porn on your iPad and beat off while your wife is snoring in bed next to you. That’s how boring your sex life has become. These are real life stories from married guys I know. 🙁

I recently wished my buddy a happy birthday and asked him what he was doing for the night… He said, Dude I’m married with kids and I’m dead broke. I’m going to jerk off then order a pizza.

How the FUCK is that “settling down?” Sounds like a nightmare to me.

My idea of “settle down” would be get a nice house on a quiet island somewhere. Probably move a cute foreign babe in with me who can cook, clean and do whatever else I desire. Of course I would search for love and not just a live in maid or hooker. This would probably be years down the line when I am old and tired of traveling. Also, when I have enough money to support myself and my loved ones without going to a job every day. To me, “settle down” does not mean being stuck in the rat race barely making ends meet.

Regardless, I’m not interested in having any kids running around. Why do people think that the ultimate goal in life is to raise a child? And for me to have a happy and fulfilling life I must be pushing a stroller through the local mall while my wife is dress shopping.

I know a lot of people who are happy with raising a family and that’s great! I’m happy for them. But it’s not for me… I’m selfish with my time and I don’t invite unnecessary stress into my life. It’s not that I hate kids… I just hate the lifestyle that comes along with having them.

Therefore, I will be getting a vasectomy.

Why? Because my worst nightmare would be to have a child by accident.

I’m not one of these cowards that would run off leaving a woman stranded with my baby… These are the worst kind of losers. But even if you stick around and help, having a child with a woman you don’t love and respect is a tragedy. I want to avoid this by any means.

I feel a vasectomy is a wise decision based on my life plan. This is not a decision I made quickly over a few beers at the GoGo Bar. I’ve been thinking about this for several years now.

So what if I change my mind?

There’s several options and I’ve thought this through…

1. Find a girl who has a baby. Easy enough these days… The world is full of poor single moms who need love.

2. Adopt. With all the unwanted babies in the world why not adopt? How about I take one of those Cambodian babies sleeping under the BTS in Bangkok? 🙂 Send them to college in America. It’s like winning the damn lottery for them!

3. Get vasectomy reversed… Fuck that. Enough with the cutting on my balls. I don’t even want to think about it.

So now I ask my loyal readers for your opinions and wisdom. Should I cut my balls and forever be childless?

Or am I going through a life phase that I will grow out of when I’m old and lonely?

Is it normal to never want kids?

Next month I will travel to Bangkok to have the surgery.