What’s up Guys!
My goal in this post is to help you plan the perfect trip to Thailand. Thailand is a big country that has a little bit of everything. Big cities, rockin nightlife, beautiful islands, mountain scenery, country villages. It’s impossible to see it all on a short trip so I suggest choosing a few locations and staying there for a while.
I always recommend people travel slow and really get to know a location. It’s impossible to really get a feel for a place in two days. Also, you don’t want to spend your holiday on planes, trains and buses. Everyone has different interests and reasons to visit Thailand and I hope to help you plan your trip accordingly.
I get a lot of great emails from readers asking me for travel advice. I love talking travel and I’m always happy to help so if you need anything just shoot me an email or leave a comment. I’ll always get back to you.
I’ve also been asked for travel advice by people in my personal life. For example, my sister’s friend recently visited Thailand and she sent me an email asking for some guidance. Now obviously I would not give her the same advice I give my readers. She’s not interested in the Blowjob Bars and Dating Thai Girls. She just wants to see the temples and the markets without being scammed.
Some guys are hard core whore mongers who just want to binge drink and fuck eighteen year old Thai girls. They don’t give a fuck about temples and markets.
Other guys want to experience the “real” Thailand and visit the countryside. Some guys don’t like to party and monger at all. They just want to meet a sweet Thai girl and start a relationship. Well, the beauty of Thailand is that there are options for every lifestyle. Let’s get into it.
Planning The Perfect Trip To Thailand
Take a look at my map. The different colors represent potential routes you can take when you visit Thailand. I’m assuming your trip is between one week and one month. In this case I recommend choosing two locations for the duration of your trip. Most locations in Thailand have opportunities for short side trips as well so there is plenty to see and do.
Most people will fly directly into Bangkok. Therefore, it is the first destination I recommend. Bangkok is one of my favorite cities in the world and I consider it a must see for anyone visiting Thailand. Stay there at least two days. If you’ve been there before then feel free to skip it. You can fly right out to your next destination if you want. Now you will have to decide what type of trip you are looking for.
Mongering in Thailand = Red Route
If you’re in Thailand for whore mongering then hang around in Bangkok for a few days. Visit the famous red light districts of Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza and Patpong. Enjoy the Blowjob Bars and Sexy Massage Parlors. You may even want to get some clothes made while you are there.
From there you have a few options. The most convenient option is Pattaya. View full location review here. Pattaya is a short ride away from Bangkok. You can get there in less then two hours with a private taxi or you can catch a mini van from Victory Monument. I prefer to pay a bit more for the private taxi. In a taxi, you will have your own private car that will bring you directly to your hotel in Pattaya. Last time I checked it was still less then $50 USD.
The mini van is cheaper but you have to take the BTS to Victory monument, then wait. Then pack into a van with ten other sweaty whore mongers. Then the driver will speed like a maniac while weaving in and out of traffic.
You have a 40% chance of dying in a ball of flames on the side of the highway in Chon Buri. Up to you if you want to save $30. If you survive then you will have to take another baht bus to your hotel in Pattaya. Possibly dragging your suitcase up the Soi until you find your room. Been there, done that, I prefer the taxi.
Pattaya is party town. There is an overwhelming amount of mongering options and the party goes all day and night. Whatever you desire is waiting for you in Pattaya. The beach is shit but I still enjoy being close to the water. The air is cleaner then Bangkok and the traffic is much more manageable. If you want a fun, inexpensive city to party and monger then Pattaya is your spot!
Side Trips in Pattaya
Pattaya also has several great options for short side trips. Koh Larn is a small island off the coast of Pattaya. There are several beautiful beaches on the island that are much cleaner then the beaches in central Pattaya. Find a nice Thai chick and take a day trip to Koh Larn. Enjoy her round brown ass and some fresh coconuts on the beach. My buddy Mike is an expert on Koh Larn so click that link for more info.
Another great option is Koh Samet. One of the most beautiful islands in Thailand is off the coast of Rayong. It’s only a short ride from Pattaya and it’s definetaly worth visitng if you have enough time. You can’t spend your whole time in the beer bars. Or can you? 😉
Mongering Route #2
As you can see there is another red star on Phuket. Full location review here. Phuket Thailand is one of the craziest places I’ve ever been in my life. I went absolutely nuts on Bangla Road for a week. My buddy from the US came to visit me there and we really tore it up.
If you’re interested in mongering in a more tropical island setting then skip Pattaya and fly down to Phuket.
Patong Beach is crowded and kind of dumpy but damn the nightlife is incredible! There are more beers bars, GoGos, nightclubs and massage parlors then you can count. Some of these beer bar complexes are the size of a Walmart. Anything you can possibly want is available in Phuket. The beaches are better then Pattaya and you also have the option of visiting some amazing islands close by.
Side Trips in Phuket
You can’t visit Phuket without visiting Kho Phi Phi Ley, Pileh Lagoon and the surrounding area. Krabi is also a short distance away. These beaches are some of the most beautiful places in the world and that experience is worth the extra plane ticket.
The down side of Phuket is the extra expense. It’s a bit more expensive then Pattaya but it’s a better overall experience in my opinion. Sure, mongering is fun but there is more to see in Thailand then the inside of a bar. You will have to buy an extra plane ticket to get down to Phuket but you will have easy access to some of the most amazing beaches on the planet. It’s great to have options!
Thai Culture = Yellow Route
If you are interested in the “real” Thailand then I recommend heading up north. Spend a few days in Bangkok and visit the most famous temples such as Grand Palace, Wat Pho and Wat Arun. Take a long tail boat ride through the canals and cruise the streets of Bangkok in a Tuk Tuk.
After that you can fly up north to Chiang Mai. Full location review here. Another option is taking a sleeper train which is cheap and efficient. I don’t have the patience for that shit so I prefer to fly.
Chiang Mai is a beautiful city that offers the most unique Thai Cultural experiences out of anywhere in Thailand. Maybe it’s the beautiful temple sitting on every corner, or the mountain views surrounding the city. Chiang Mai truly feels like a special place.
There always seems to be some sort of parade or event happening outside the temples and it’s interesting to see. I also met some of the nicest people in Chiang Mai. Everyone seems much more laid back and friendly up north. I made some great memories during my stay in Chiang Mai and I will be visiting again for sure.
I recommend visiting Doi Suthep Temple up on the mountain side and also visiting the walking street on Sundays. Some of the best Thai food I’ve ever had was in Chiang Mai. Read my Top Ten Things To Do in Chiang Mai.
Side trips in Chiang Mai
One of the highlights of my life was riding a motorbike around the mountains in northern Thailand. That was such an incredible experience! 😀 Rent a good quality bike and ride the “Mae Hong Song Loop.” That is Chiang Mai to Pai. Pai to Mae Hong Son. Then Mae Hong Son back to Chiang Mai.
I did this trip in two days but that was a bit rushed. You will see some stunning scenery on this trip. I suggest going alone. I got a lot of thinking done during all those hours of riding and it was almost a spiritual experience. Deep mannnnn.
Another cool trip is Chiang Rai. The city is pretty boring at night but they have a pretty cool night market with live music and cheap food. Good place to get hammered after a long day of riding. Also be sure to visit the “White Temple.” Even if you’re bored with temples I’m telling you, this one is really cool. One of the most unique temples I’ve ever seen.
Single Man’s Paradise = Blue Route
Next up is my personal favorite route in Thailand. I like a little bit of everything. Thai culture, filthy sluts, rockin nightlife and relaxing beaches. Therefore I travel the blue route. Bangkok to Ko Samui. Full location review here.
First I visit Bangkok for a few days. I usually stay at a cheap hotel on Soi Nana. I hit the blowjob bar then do some shopping. After partying for a few nights I will fly to Ko Samui.
Ko Samui is easily my favorite place in Thailand. It has it all! Beautiful beaches, nightlife, enough people to have fun but not too crowded like Phuket. Ko Samui offers the perfect balance of fun and relaxation. I truly consider it Single Man’s Paradise.
Side Trips in Ko Samui
If you want to mix things up a bit try taking a short ferry ride to Koh Phangan and Ko Tao. These islands are home to some of the most beautiful beaches in the world! These islands are the perfect place to bring a cute chick for a few days of rest and relaxation.
Another awesome day trip is the An Thong National Marine Park. This is a cluster of small islands off the coast of Ko Samui. You can take a day trip around the islands and go swimming, snorkeling and kayaking. It’s another highlight of my time spent in Thailand so be sure to book that trip if you’re down there.
Ko Samui isn’t the best in all categories but it does a damn good job of giving you everything you need in one convenient location. I can shop, party, monger, relax, date good girls and experience Thai culture in a beautiful tropical island setting. I think it’s one of the greatest places on earth.
I hope this helps you plan your trip to Thailand. Regardless of your lifestyle, I’m sure you can find somewhere in Thailand that makes you happy. You can also mix and match these locations based on your needs.
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